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A letter to the Imams in the West

When a Sister Needed You!

I'm writing because I am so filled with grief, sadness and embarrassment over my situation wa Allahu alim. Yesterday my husband walked out on me. He packed his bags and moved while I was out of the house and called me on my cell phone to tell me he had gone. I am devastated to say the least. I have no job and no money to pay the bills that are now left. We have been having problems for a long time, but he has refused to work with me to resolve them. I am partly to blame and I fully accept my share, but the problem is he wants to solve everything by running away. Now I am neither married, nor divorced. He says he is living with a friend, but refuses to tell me where. I don't talk to any of his friends and I'd be too shy to start calling people asking where my husband is anyway.

I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes and it hurt me to have to tell my child that I don't know where daddy is or if he's ever coming back. I am scared and I feel like my Emaan has hit an all time low. I feel like all of my duas have gone unanswered. I know we are to be patient, but I honestly have nothing left to "fight" with. My spirit is broken and I could barely even eat or sleep. I had a dream that he had come back in the night, but when I woke up I realized it was only a dream.

I come to this website and I hear so much sadness. We keep saying Islam is so great, but these Muslim men I read about all make me want to just say forget it and leave this deen all together. I'm sick of all the inconsistencies and injustice that is inflicted on all my dear sisters and many others around the world. Islam is perfect, but Muslims are not is what I'm sure someone is dying to say to me. However if the people are not a reflection of their religion what does that say??? Not saying that I want to be any other religion, but just be nothing at all. I feel invisible in my community and have sought out help only to be ignored and my husband's side taken instead of my own.

I don't know what to do and I feel like I have nowhere to turn. Can anyone help me?? PLEASE!!

Yes I have gone to the imam here long before my situation got this bad and he basically ignored me. I don't really have much trust in the community here. I love Allah but again I feel so isolated in this community. Yes I'm aware that men of all religions are imperfect, but we do expect more of Muslims who are supposed to be the best of mankind. The isolation and rejection is what I have the biggest problem with. As a Christian when there were problems and I'd go to the priest, he'd drop everything to meet with me and try to help me find a solution. Listening to both sides and not just taking the man's point of view and hoping I'd just disappear....which is what I have felt at the Masjid...and have heard from other sisters as well.

At any rate, I do have family but they have always been against my decision to accept Islam and to marry my husband. So anything they have to say will be very abrasive and I don't have the energy to deal with that right now.

One positive thing is that I found that I do have one true friend in this city. She dropped everything to stay with me for hours, and her husband attempted talk to mine over the phone last night. I'm not sure what came of their talk, but I at least know I have one person I can depend on.

Anonymous