This isn't really an issue of East and West anymore. It's a topic that is reaching every corner of the world, concerning every parent. Troubling every teen. Am I strong enough to survive the temptations of society? How much do I need to sacrifice? Do I really need to sacrifice? School, a job, friends, future?
This is a real life question we face every day, not just as teens but as humans living in societies that do not generally uphold our values or at least part of our values. The best remedy for this citation is to believe you are strong! We as Muslims follow a set of beliefs, we know what those beliefs are and what is expected of us. Not only by our Lord but by our parents. Most importantly by ourselves. We live in a society where we are in charge of our own standards. We know that we must be able to stand up to temptation with inner-strength and courage. It takes courage to say no and to be different. Muslim kids often feel they are different. As a parent I feel it is very important to teach, profess and encourage courageousness in every way, every day. That courage and strength is going to be there when we are not.
Courage, also known as fortitude, is the ability to confront fear, pain, danger, uncertainty or intimidation. It can be divided into "physical courage" -- in face of physical pain, hardship, and threat of death -- and "moral courage" -- in the face of shame, scandal, and discouragement. Wikepeida.
Hardships and trials are truly when the Muslim character blooms and set us aside from the Munafiq (Hypocrite). The conquering of a bad or difficult citation. Getting through it.
A hypocrite, one whose external appearance is Islam (praying, fasting, "activism", etc.) but whose inner reality conceals kufr - often unbeknownst to the person themselves. (See Al-Baqarah: 8-23). A Munafiq is more dangerous and worse than a Kafir. USC-MSA
According to the interpretation of Munafiq in the Quran (see above) the problem with a hypocrite is that he or she does not believe in Islam herself. Before we can talk about courage we must establish within ourselves that we are in fact a believer. Nobody really knows the answer to that question but you and may be your mother (and Allah). Courage is only going to be found within and it lies directly next to belief. If you don't have it, you won't find it when you need it. Do not be surprised when you fall in temptation. Everyone in the world is tempted, but some people are better able to stand up to it than others. The girl or guy who stayed a virgin until marriage probably doesn't have any less temptation than you do, he or she just faced it with courage. The girl who wore hijab, the guy who didn't wear shorts outside, the kid who said no to drugs all of them were able to do so because of courage. Smaller things need courage too!
Living in the west does not mean we cannot keep our honor. Contrary to what some people unfortunately believe, people really do keep their dignity intact here. Don't believe that dignity and honor can only be kept in very tight and restrictive societies. Muslims here learn to deal with temptation and very often turn to Allah to find strength and solace when times are tough. This is the test and character of the true believer. It is said that a believing woman can keep her dignity amongst an army of men. However, in practice we are much more hesitant to give our daughters that trust. WHY? You raised her to believe, now let her build herself. Without trial and test you cannot build character. Do not expect the boy in the box not to touch the candy! It's not going to happen. Not here and not today.
Some people may disagree with what I am saying. Some people will believe that I am saying that it is ok to indulge in sin. That is not at all the case. Sin is all around us. There is no way to get away from it in it's various degrees today, so believing that you can protect your child or yourself from the sins around you is a mistake. You cannot do it without putting yourself or them in a box and that is obviously going to get you put in jail. I know a father who keeps such a tight reign on his daughters they can hardly breath. As soon as they get a moment away from that grip they are wild! This is natural because they feel chocked. Children like this are more likely to fail as adults in this society (as Muslims). Alhumdulillah these girls have another parent who isn't at all like this and who gives them the opportunity to trust themselves. I do not believe that sheer fear of a parent is enough to keep our children from making major sins. They must believe and understand why it is a sin and have the faith to back that up. Any teen can tell you that even the parents with the tightest of grips cannot watch them every second and that they could find opportunity sometime in their day to sin. The same is true of adults. It is imporatant in this society to gain experience in living. The only way to do this is to live in the society.
Here are a few tips that will help you to build Muslim character (this works for anyone at any age). Print them if you have to and stick the list where it is handy at any time. Give them to a challenged Muslim.
1. Build your strengths. Do not dwell on weakness, rather strive to do your best with those things which are strong within you.
2. Do not expect anyone to do the job for you. Strive hard even when you feel you are alone. Mountains are climbed alone, noone can put your foot in front of the other.
3. Look at those who are wiser than you for advice. Find a Muslim who you admire and seek their advice often.
4. Do not look at money for drive. Look for what moves you, success will come.
5. Expect the road to be long. Good things often take time. Be patient and persevering. Stumble and fall. Fall and get back up. It's ok.
6. Be careful who you confide in. Friends should earn your trust and be worthy of it.
7. Teach what you learn so that others can benefit from you. Nothing is ever too small. You never know when a person may be going through something you have already gone through.
8. Focus. Decide what you want to do and do it. Successful people are focused people. If you don't know what you want pursue what you like.
9. Your nefs (desires) are under your control. Train yourself to control them and do not allow them to control you.
10. Stay away from gossip so you can trust yourself. Remember you have a conscience, do not betray yourself.
11. Do not feel embarrassed of feeling embarrassed and ashamed.
12. Value your time. Do not waste your time on senseless things. There are many things you can teach yourself in your free time. (learn a language, read, study the deen). In the past Muslims used to learn a trade and also were required to study the deen. Make the most of your time by doing both. Knowledge is always a benefit to you.
13. Stay around successful people. (In the areas of school, home, religion, manners etc.) Success is contageous.
14. Remember living the faith is ibada, service to God through service to humankind. Your contribution is a contribution to society as well as to your self.
I pray that Allah guide and keep us strong, courageous and on the straight path. Ameen.
Badreya
