Today I went to a picnic at our Masjid and I feel compelled to write this article because of it. At the picnic there was a buffet where women were cutting in front of all the women in line to fill their plates. One woman squeezed between me and another sister and her plate sliced right into the bottom of my eye. She didn't even notice and she didn't apologize. As I waited in a nice little line with many of the women, I felt as if vultures had come to attack as woman after woman cut in front of us. What should have been a nice flow to get our food turned into a pushing and shoving match beyond belief! Are we really that hungry? Do we think if we wait in line the food is going to run out? The poor girls serving the food looked just as appalled as I was. Finally one of them stopped taking plates and said she would only serve those in line. It didn't change a thing. I even told one woman that the line started over there and I pointed and she told me her friend was holding her place for her in line. Perhaps if I were just a bit more rude than I wanted to be I would have told her that if I had wanted I would have invited all of my friends to take a place behind me and serve themselves, after all I did have not only 8 or 9 friends with me but they are all neighbors. I let it go with a very bad look. Inshallah she got the point.
As Ramadan approaches it is more than likely that most of us will be in buffet style situations in our communities. We must remember that there is a thing called manners in Islam. Cutting in front of people is bad, but pushing and shoving to get to the food and fighting over plates, hitting people accidentally.. of course it is going to be accidental when your smashed into a group of women all tying to get food, stepping on their feet, this is not acceptable behavior. To begin with older women are in those lines. I am sure they do not appreciate being pushed and shoved like that at all. Some of them don't even get in line because of it. We need to be mindful of who is around us. Likewise a woman may have small children at her feet. It is pretty difficult to see through long scarves and flowing robes when we are smashed together. Stepping on kids is not nice. This type of scenario happens time and time again at every single function from New York to Detroit to Florida to California. I have lived in 3 of those places and have seen it everywhere. It has to stop.
The following hadeeth explains a little about respecting elders.
'Among the manners that should be taught are those described in the hadeeth narrated by Abu Hurayrah from the Prophet (Peace & Blessings of Allah be upon Him): "The young should greet the old, the passerby should greet one who is sitting, and the small group should greet the larger group." (Al-Bukhaari, 5736).'
My next complaint. Chairs. Older women and pregnant women do not need their chairs pulled out from next to them. You can stand or wait for a chair to become available. Likewise if your child is sitting in a chair and an adult needs it, they have to move. Yes that is correct, children give up comfort for adults. It is very important for our children to have this mentality instilled in them from a young age. All children have to give up their seats, not some. Kids really don't care where they sit. Unless everyone is on the floor (and this is better). It isn't the children's fault if they don't get up. It's the mothers fault for not teaching her child manners. So don't get mad at the child as manners are taught at home. I really thought this was instinct! Boy was I wrong!
In the following hadeeth we learn that children learn from adults by being with adults. We see many things from this hadeeth, most importantly that we set the example for our children. So there is no wrong in taking children with us as Islam is for all ages and encourages family participation.
'Taking children to gatherings and letting them sit with grown-ups
This will increase their understanding and wisdom, and make them try to imitate adults, as well as keeping them from spending too much time on games and entertainment. The Sahaabah used to bring their children with them when they went and sat with the Prophet (Peace & Blessings of Allah be upon Him). One of the stories that describe this was narrated by Mu’aawiyah ibn Qurrah from his father, who said: "The Prophet (Peace & Blessings of Allah be upon Him) used to sit with a group of his Companions. One man had his little son with him; he would bring him from behind and make him sit in front of him…" (Reported by al-Nisaa’i and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Ahkaam al-Janaa’iz).
I realize that today we must be somewhat aggressive at times to achieve our goals and I also realize that there are some cultures where pushing and shoving is the only way to move forward and get anything done. Usually due to population problems, But it is not always correct and there is a time and place for aggressive behavior. Let us consider our behavior at these functions. There was no population problem today and no lack of food so why did we have this problem?
May Allah guide this ummah and give us the best of manners.
Badreya
